How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
