So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
