so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
