her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
