You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
