that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
