It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
