Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
