He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
