I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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