I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
