Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
