I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
