i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
