she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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