I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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