soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
