I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
