Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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