It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
