oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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