i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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