When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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