I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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