Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
