nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
