nut hugger
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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