I'm so fucking centered right now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
