We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
