Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
