isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
