why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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