hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
