Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
