y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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