I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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