FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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