glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
