Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
