Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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