my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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