What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
