My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
