I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
