I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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