My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
