Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just forgot I was standing up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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