1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
