We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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