Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
