Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
