Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
