just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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